Things That I’m Not Proud Of*

Since becoming a pet owner, I have succumbed to several absurd and disgusting habits, including:

  • Letting my dog lick my face when I let him out of his crate in the morning or when I get home from work;
  • Kissing him back on his (closed, usually) dog mouth;
  • Watching the little bags I use to pick up his crap float out of my pockets in public — if onlookers can’t tell what they are, they quickly figure it out when they see the little bone-shaped biscuits that spilled out with the bags;
  • Going to work with visible dog hair on a black suit;
  • Buying curios  that in no way fit the aesthetic of our apartment because it reminds me of my dog, including a metal sign with a corgi silhouette on it from an overpriced strip mall trinket shop; and
  • Compared raising a puppy to raising a kid.**

At least I know now not to bother with the delusion that I’m going to be one of those always put-together, never put-upon calm, cool, and collected moms. I mean, I will be calm because I have a Type B personality (this is how I work in Big Law without losing my mind, by the way), but I was never cool, and I to the extent that I ever had my life collected, kids will surely undo anything the puppy hasn’t already gotten to.

*Not counting this dangling preposition or my cloying need to show off my intelligence by identifying the dangling preposition I don’t know how to get rid of. Oops, there’s another one.

**I am not actually ashamed of this one, but I recognize that it’s not socially acceptable.

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1 Response to Things That I’m Not Proud Of*

  1. Oh Sandy, Sandy, Sandy…. I can’t accept this stuff. 😉 haha

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