Decades

[As I mentioned yesterday, I wrote this last year.]

Today I am two weeks and two days shy of turning 25. I’m okay with this. I know I have many happy years ahead of me. Moreover, looking back over the last decade, I realize I’m basically the same person I was at 15. This is reassuring. I’m living in the midwest. I’m still playing my old cedar wood seagull guitar and listening to the music my parents turned me on to in the nineties: John Hiatt, Martin Sexton, Steve Earle, and Tom Petty. I’m getting my kicks from long runs instead of drugs and alcohol. Nothing sounds better than a long car trip and a cold beverage, only now I’m riding shotgun to Robert instead of in the backseat of the powder blue suburban and calling it soda instead of pop. I still make seriously questionable fashion choices. I’m still happy almost all the time. I’m still restless. I’ve been putting my pen to paper pretty regularly for the last ten or so years, but I rarely put anything so personal out there for anyone but me to see. However, in honor of milestones, a decade in review:

Things I’ve found (or found out) along the way

• The love of the inestimable Robert F.
• Three degrees.
• My confidence.
• A direction to channel my rebellious nature.
• A camera that takes photos of a world nearly as whimsical as the one in my head.
• That sisters make the best friends.
• That I’m quite good at math when I work at it, but lack the natural talent and passion to make a career out of numbers.
• Books and authors and stories enough to keep me busy til I’m dead.
• An insatiable sweet tooth.
• A keen desire to live South of the border.
• An aversion to competition.
• A taste in literature and music so impeccable it’s rivaled only by my deficient knowledge of film and art.

Things I’ve lost along the way

• My once shy demeanor.
• The melodies to dozens of songs I wrote in high school and college.
• My finger picking skills.
• The need to blend in.
• The need to stand out.
• Contact with too many friends.
• Any and all desire to work in academia.

Things I’ve lost and then regained

• My faith.
• The trust of my family.
• The friendship of the uncommon Safia E.
• Permission to drive legally in the state of Arizona.
• The urge to live near water.
• Belief in my power to change the world.
• Love and admiration for people in general, not to mention people specifically.

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