Last night Husband and I ate dinner with another couple and the talk turned to Husband’s job hunt. His hypothetical job hunt, actually, but that’ll be another post another day. So we’re talking about Husband’s plans and our friend says “Don’t worry, you’ve got a sugar momma now.” Ugh. I mean, I know it’s funny and meant in jest, but ugh. I’ve heard the joke, or whatever it is, entirely too many times. Like, since I applied to law school, never mind that when I started law school I wanted to be a public defender and certainly had no intention of taking a job at a for-profit firm.
I haven’t fully explored the reasons behind the intensity of my negative gut reaction to the term, but one thing I hate about it is that it’s totally insulting to Husband. It obviously stems from the term sugar daddy, but it’s not used the same way. For example, our friend who made the statement is a man who also works for a large for-profit law firm. His wife stays at home with their two little girls. I don’t think he would ever, jokingly, refer to himself as her sugar daddy, because it would be too insulting given all the work she does at home. Husband may not be raising children (and isn’t even planning on staying home while I work, but that’s beside the point), but he works hard. Right now he does all the cooking, all the heavy-duty cleaning (bathrooms and floors and such), and all handy-man-type chores. Everything else we do together. When I start work, he’ll probably take over grocery shopping and financial stuff, too. Oh, and dealing with the new dog. It turns out running a household is a full-time job! But if we were to make the joint decision that Husband be the one to stay home and do that, I’d forever be the sugar momma. Hell, I’ll probably be called a sugar momma even when he does get a job, because I’m a lawyer and he’s not anything like a lawyer. If the roles were reversed, though, it’d be normal and expected, and nobody would be anybody’s sugar-anything.
Reading back over this post, I’m embarrassed at how many times I used the words sugar momma and/or daddy. I sincerely apologize.